- July 12th, 2010
Title - Broken
Author - funkyshaz57
Rating - NC 17 - Eventually
Pairing - Arizona and Callie!!
Summary - Callie and Arizona have broken up...Arizona is not coping at all....she is on a downward spiral towards self destruction, Will Callie be able to save her in time...Will Arizona let her?
Disclaimer - I own nothing, not grey's, not the characters!
A/N - Hi All this is my first Grey's Fanfic!!! I have previously written fics but not for this pairing but seeing as how much I love love love them and inspired by the many great fics out there I thought I would try my luck. I'm not a very good writer but had a few idea's rolling around in my head so thought I would chuck em on here!
Anyone that knows me knows that I hate Angsty Calzona fics lol.....and to my surprise my fic is going to be angsty for a while......It does mention self harm, so is rated NC-17 and will also eventually have love scenes in them. The story will go quite fast as although it is angsty I don't enjoy writing angst so much so the SL will develop quite quickly...well at least I hope so!!
Anyways onwards and upwards...I really hope you's enjoy and please leave me a review so I know whether I should continue or not!!
"I'm sorry....I love you"
"Me too....Me too"
It had been only 3 nights since that night took place, the night that broke her heart, that shattered everything she believed in. Arizona Robbins had always considered herself to be a strong independent woman, but right now at this very moment she was the exact opposite of that. It had been 3 days since her and Callie had broken up, 3 days of crying and utter heart wrenching pain. She had never experienced this type of feeling before, the gut wrenching, soul ripping indescribable feeling, but then again she had never loved anyone as much as she had loved Callie.
She hadn't wanted to break up with Callie it was the last thing she wanted, but then again she couldn't be the one to keep Callie from having a family one day, there was nothing in this world she wouldn't do for Callie and if that meant giving her up then she would but had she known that she would be this broken she would have fought harder, she would have bent for Callie, but it was too late now, she didn't fight hard enough she had lost the love of her life, and now she hated herself, she despised herself and for that she punished herself.
She couldn't go back to Callie now - she couldn't tell her that she loved her and yes she would have kids with her, that she would do anything for her, she couldn't even be around Callie now it would be too much for her.
The night she and Callie broke up, she drove around for hours before finally going home. When she got home she went for the nearest alcoholic beverage which was an expensive bottle of Vodka. Arizona rarely drunk spirits but every now and then Callie and her would have a big night out and they would pull out the top shelf stuff. Without so much as a blink of an eye Arizona opened the bottle and started drinking....she drank and drank until she felt the pain numb slowly.
Drunk and stumbling she got up of the couch and made her way to the bathroom, unsteadily she gazed into the mirror and what she saw angered her, she saw a weak shell of the person she once was, she saw someone that disgusted her. How could she have let Calliope go? Why couldn't she just have bent? or why couldn't she have just been honest and told Callie how she felt - instead she didn't and now she was here alone.
Before she had thought anything through she raised her fist and slammed it into the mirror in front of her, it shattered on impact. Arizona shocked herself at first, she wasn't normally an angry nor violent person but her shock quickly disappeared when she noticed another feeling....relief, a minuscule tiny bit of relief. She slowly raised her hand to eye level and noticed the cuts to her hands, she looked at the blood dribbling down her fingers. Arizona normally thought of herself as a strong woman who could get through anything but right now she wasn't that person, right now all she wanted was more of the same....just a little bit of relief anything to get through this pain so without really thinking about it she picked up a broken piece of glass from the shattered mirror....she closed her eyes....she took the shard of glass to her arm just below her elbow on the inner side and she cut....she curled her fist tight as she dug deep and long and although she registered pain she also felt that feeling of relief for a while so she cut again and again.
That was 3 days ago, 3 long hard days, she had called in sick which was something she had never ever done before, she normally couldn't afford to do that with her job, the tiny humans needed her but for once in her life she didn't care as much about the tiny humans, in fact there wasn't much she really cared about at the moment.
But today she was going back, she didn't really have a choice especially if she wanted to keep her job.
She looked at herself in the bedroom mirror, she tried to smile ready for a day of fake happiness, it didn't look right but she knew it would be enough to placate most of the hospital as long as she was able to avoid Calliope she would be fine. She had a game plan....act as normal as possible, avoid Callie, if she saw her she told herself she wasn't to throw herself at her feet begging for a second chance, she was to be polite and leave it at that, treat her patients with as much enthusiasm as she usually uses.....yes that was Arizona's plan. She pulled on a long sleeved skivvy, that she would normally not wear but with her recent relief strategy she didn't have a choice. That was another thing that she had to be careful about, she could under no circumstances let anyone find out what she was doing to herself, she was already disgusted by her own lack of self control and her coping strategies she didn't need anyone at the hospital finding out how weak she was.
She packed up her bag, put her jacket on and went to leave the apartment, just before she got to the door she glanced over to the kitchen bench.....she quickly ran back over and picked up a little metal case and put it in her bag....."Just in case", she thought and with that she was off.